Hippocratic Oath For Software Engineers:

  • Never write a line of code that someone else can understand.

  • Make the simplest line of code appear complex. Use long counter intuitive names. Don't ever code "a=b", rather do something like:

 AlphaNodeSemaphore=*(int)(&(unsigned long)(BetaFrameNodeFarm));

  • Never use direct references to anything ever. Bury everything in macros. Bury the macros in include files. Reference those include files indirectly from other include files. Use macros to reference those include files.

  • Never generate new sources. Always ifdef the old ones. Every binary in the world should be generated from the same sources.

  • Never code a function to return a value. All functions must return a pointer to a structure which contains a pointer to a value.

  • Load all sentences either written or spoken with alphabet soup. When someone asks you out to lunch, reply:

 "I can't because I've almost got my RISC-based OSI/TCP/IP
 client connected by BIBUS VMS VAX using SMTP over TCP
 sending SNMP inquiry results to be encapsulated in UDP
 packets for transmission to a SUN 4/280 NFS 4.3 BSD with
 release 3.6 of RPC/XDR supporting our ONC effort working."

  • Never clean your office. Absolutely never throw away an old listing.
  • Never say hello to someone in hallway. Absolutely never address someone by name. If you must address someone by name, mumble or use the wrong name. Always maintain the mystique of being spaced out from concentrating on complex logic.
  • Never wear a shirt that matches your pants. Wear a wrinkled shirt whenever possible. Your shirt must never be tucked in completely. Button the top button without wearing a tie. This will maximize your mystique.

Posted via email from Karthi

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12 Responses to “Hippocratic Oath For Software Engineers:”


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