Renaissance

“Please hold… We’re going for record on how long customers will wait”

“Your call is important to us, but not important enough for us to hire additional staff to talk to you”

“Please listen carefully, as our menu makes no sense”
Source: HBR

Why do programmers get Halloween and Christmas confused?

Oct 31 == Dec 25

(Via Embedded Muse)

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his Customer,” This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.”

The barber puts a five rupee coin in one hand and two one rupee coins (1+1=2) in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?”

The boy takes the two one rupee coins and leaves. What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!”

Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. “Hey, son! May I ask you a question?

Why did you take two one rupee coins instead of five rupee coin?”
The boy licked his cone and replied,

“Because THE DAY I TAKE THE FIVE RUPEE COIN, THE GAME IS OVER

Moral:
When you think the other person is dumb, you are making a fool of yourself.

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From Catherine French: Embedded Muse

Kauffman’s Paradox of the Corporation -
The less important you are to the corporation, the more your
tardiness or absence is noticed.

The Salary Axiom -
The pay raise is just large enough to increase your taxes and just
small enough to have no effect on your take-home pay.

Weiner’s Law of Libraries -
There are no answers, only cross-references.

Kenny’s Law of Auto Repair -
The part requiring the most consistent repair or replacement will be
housed in the most inaccessible location.

Second Law of Business Meetings -
If there are two possible ways to spell a person’s name, you will
pick the wrong one.
-Corollary - If there is only one way to spell a name, you will spell
it wrong anyway.

Lampner’s Law of Employment -
When leaving work late, you will go unnoticed.  When you leave work
early, you will meet the boss in the parking lot.

Quile’s Consultation Law -
The job that pays the most will be offered when there is no time to
deliver the services.

Van Gogh’s Law -
Whatever plan one makes, there is a hidden difficulty somewhere.

Troutman’s Fifth Programming Postulate -
If the input editor has been designed to reject all bad input, an
ingenious idiot will discover a method to get bad data past it.

Lerman’s Law of Technology -
Any technical problem can be overcome given enough time and money. -
Corollary - You are never given enough time or money.

Lovka’s Advice -
Never rely on a person who uses “party” as a verb.

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